Living with Aspergers Syndrome

I tend to browse through other blogs, I read a great blog the other night Titled My baby will make you uncomfortable and I might laugh. This blog brought back some memories for me. My middle son was exactly the same. he would give strangers and even family members a blank look. Taking his photo was a nightmare he would never smile. He was a chatty chap with family members but you could not get a word out of him around strangers. He would cling to me or hide behind me if strangers were around.Truth be known he rarely smiles even now. In his early years I often wondered what made him tick, as this behavior continued through to playgroup I decided it was time to get some professional advice

After talking to the Doctor he agreed there may be something going on he first sugested Autism. I was then refered to a child psychologist who gave me the following checklist and asked if my son showed any of the following behaviors.

• Social awkwardness / no friends
• Obsessions / focused on one subject
• Lack of eye contact
• Sensitivity to noise / touch / feel of clothing
• Slow to begin talking
• Odd speech / extreme logic / very proper speech
• Anger / aggression / hitting others
• Craves Routine
• Appears lost / in own world
• Flapping hands
• Communication problems or motor skills problems
• Stimming behavior

Well I went through this list and checked of the following behaviours, Social awkwardness,  Slow to begin talking, very proper speech, Craves ROUTINE!, Appears lost / in own world, motor skills problems. There were also things not on the list Migraine headaches, unable to handle changes in routines, thought most people hated him, and clumsyness, some of which was put down to poor vision.

After passing all this information back to the therapist she spent a day with him and ran him through a few tests and came back to me with the diagnosis of Mild Aspergers Syndrome. I was stunned as all I knew of this was it was akin to Autism. Well I just had to know more, so after some serious research and chats with the psychologist we went to an occupational therapist who worked on refining his motor skills, now they were not off by much and after 6 months he was equal to his peers with his motor skills.

While all that was happening, at home we worked on a fairly strict routine and tried to make any changes known well in advance. Weeks before school started we had him up early and went through what would be his morning routine. This helped a lot when it was time for him to go to school. We discussed school at length and contacted the school prior to find out their routine and incorporated it into family life. This may seem extreme but I must say it made the transition to school a whole lot easier. Letting the school know of his problem made it easier on the school and by keeping them informed we were able to keep him in main stream schooling.

He was fixated on the military, anything to do with the Army, Navy or Airforce worked great, we got a lot of positive reinforcement from a packet of soldiers. When he completed tasks on his own we would reward him with a much wanted soldier, it was inexpensive and worked great. In no time he could be given a task and could go and do it.

As time went on he became more flexible. He could accept slight changes to his routine, the migraines lessened and he was doing well at school. He loved to play practical jokes on all of us this gave him great joy and he would laugh at our demise. We grew to expect the unexpected from him. He was extremely literal and locgical at times so returning the prank did not go down well. Most times he took it personally not as the joke it was intended.

He has grown a lot over the years, as kids do, but I’m not talking about his size. I’m talking about his self esteem and his ability to  accept change in his routine. Mostly he takes it in his stride. Sometimes there is an issue but talking it out and explaining the situation usually solves that problem. He has grown into a wonderful young man who can tell a great joke but dont play a joke on him that still doesnt go down too well. In general he has a few close friends and is now dating. He still tends to take things personally but he can function on his own on a day to day basis. He can’t wait to get his first job and is a very responsible young man.

On his last visit to the child psychologist she spent some time with him and came back and said he has developed extremely well. She said there may be some issues along they way but over all he will cope really well in the adult world. I tend to agree.

Aspergers sounds scary but really its not that bad, its not all doom and gloom. Some simple changes that don’t really effect the family can make a world of difference to a child with this. Some things can be a challenge but with my son the need to get everything right was very powerful. We worked with that need, gave him the routine that he needed and went step by step from there.

Now dont get me wrong it did have challenges, take sport, now that could be called off for bad weather and of course came the end of the season. Both were trying times for him and us but with love and guidance and some modifications to his routine he got through it, as did the rest of us.

10 Lies Parents Tell Their Children

Parents are the most awesome people we know since the day we born till the day we die. Because they know every single bit about us and know what’s best for us at all times. According to a survey, parents tell their children white (harmless) lies to protect them from harm, or to make their kids happy or to protect their child’s innocence. But some lies are just told to get themselves (parents) from getting into certain difficulties. SmashingLists provides a list of top 10 lies which are told to the kids by their parents, and some of them might be very familiar to almost all the readers.

10. Eat Your Vegetables

Eat your vegetables, if you want to be big and strong like a hulk. This lie has been told to almost every kid. Parents tell all sorts of stories and mumbo jumbos to get their kids to eat vegetables, fruits and nutritious stuff that kids do not want to eat due to their taste. The most common and classic statement was and still is about eating spinach (or other vegetable), if you don’t eat it you are never going to be strong and big. Whereas in reality vegetables can only go so far, however genetics play a huge role in how big or strong a kid is really going to be. Luckily the kids don’t know this, or nobody might be able to get them to eat any healthy foods.

9. Ice cream van

Remember when the ice-cream man used to visit your area and had put on a rather “permanently stuck in head” kind of song, what did your mom use to say to you? You know when he puts on that song it means he doesn’t have any ice cream left. And some parents tell their children that the ice cream man is really a “Kidnapper”, who will kidnap the children and take them away. Now I don’t know why parents tell this specific lie to their children, I mean what harm can an ice-cream do? You may have to spend a few extra bucks but it’s going to bring smile to your kid’s face.

8. Stop making faces or…

Many children have the urge of making faces to other kids or people just to annoy them, but this gives so much pleasure to the kid who is making faces. Such children are then told a white lie that if they keep on making faces like that, God will make their faces permanently like that. This eventually stops majority of the kids from doing so. This lie however is a generally accepted one since manners are the basic principles to teach your child and making faces, even though is fun for the kid, isn’t so much fun for anybody else.

7.”I know everything”

After a parent says the above mentioned line to their kids, it results in two of the possible ways. One is that the kid would think of his/her parent as a “Super Hero”, who knows and can do everything more precisely anything, which would eventually make him/her proud. Whereas the other reaction which can take place is that he will start to think of his parent as a weirdo or something because he will have the image that his parent is a sore loser because a single person can’t know everything. Well the child cannot be blamed if his maturity is limited. A parent should consult some other means in those matters of which they don’t know anything about.

6. How was I born?

The type of the children generally known as “The Curious Kids” always ask questions and mostly really silly and stupid ones, but they can’t handle it because of their young/pre-mature age. Their questions start with Who, What, Why, When but never really end. Mostly I have seen kids asking their parents, “Mommy/Daddy, where do babies come from?” or, even more difficult question, “Where did I come from?”, now parents choose to answer these types of questions in a variety of ways. The straightforward, honest answers would probably be the best but one might not be mature enough to understand what it really is, that is why many parents rely on lies and legends to explain this phenomenon to their child. The most common answers given are according to the age of the child, some parents tell them that “you were brought to us by a stork” or “your mommy went to the hospital and brought you home”. If the age of the child is more than a toddler he/she might not buy the idea of a stork, but I’m sure that there are other ways to answer these kinds of questions before the kids learn the reality.

5. Legendary characters

When we were kids, we had often been told of various characters at various occasions in our lives. Those characters were introduced to us by our parents as a fun fact may be or to make our childhood a bit dreamy or something. The most common characters were Santa Clause, Tooth fairy, Sand Man etc. which came along with their own “Legends”, such as Santa clause brings gifts to the children on Christmas, tooth fairy takes your 1^st baby teeth and leave some money, and sandman puts sand in the eyes of children so they could sleep. These stories were really fascinating at the appropriate age. But when one comes to know about the reality it kind of sucks. But there are good memories worth remembering. So this lie cannot be considered as a lie.

4. The runaways

This heart-breaking lie is told to the kids who love their pets too much, or do not know the meaning of death. When the parents tell their children that their cat/dog ran away it literally doesn’t mean that it ran away from home, unless they mean that they ran away to heaven. This is a straightforward lie which in my opinion should not be told to a child because the loss of loved ones is the experience every person gains, it is best to know about it from the beginning, so in the future the person can embrace himself/herself.

3. This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you

This is the most stupid statement I have ever heard yet I kept on hearing this from my parents (when I was a kid) and still do when other people tell this to their children. I mean how stupid do they think we are? Whenever I had to take an injection, or had gotten all upset over a thing, or got punished, or had something taken away from me, my mother used to say this to me all the time, “This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you”. But as a kid we could never have understood it. We knew that obviously it won’t hurt her, but we were wrong. Maybe it won’t hurt her physically, but emotionally it does. It does to every mother who sees her child in pain. So my advice to the parents will be that please don’t say that to your child, because already we are so aching in pain that after hearing this it is totally un-bearable.

2. The Trap

The following line is considered as the deadliest trap a parent could ever set for their child, to spill the truth from their mouth, “if you tell me the truth, you won’t get in trouble”. Little do the innocent kids know about not getting into trouble, but they do, and the punishment depends upon how much trouble the child has caused. Almost every parent has told this lie to their child. And yes, may be telling the truth will get them in less trouble than they already are in. But they are still getting in trouble, no matter what. When kids get old enough to realize this lie / figure this whole trap out, they become pretty good liars themselves.

1. Mommy and Daddy are taking a nap

This is my personal favourite lie told to the kids. It might have been told to me as well but that’s for me to know and you to figure out. But I’m pretty sure it has been told to you as well. At that age no kid can understand it and it is best not to try making them understand. Yes Mommy and daddy are in the bedroom, but no, they might not be sleeping. Remember when you were told not to enter the room without knocking/getting permission while the door is closed? What goes on behind closed doors doesn’t have to be shared with young ones, right? Obviously as kids get older and mature they usually figure out why the bedroom door is closed.

http://www.smashinglists.com/10-lies-parents-tell-their-children/